Parenting is about THEM, not you

  • 25 May 2017
  • Kristi
parenting is about your child's needs, not yours.

Have you ever been really excited to share some news or a story with a friend or family member, only to begin and somehow they bring your issue back to themselves? They basically hijacked your need to share to them sharing their stories or personal experience. Yeah; me too and I have been that person too. (Just being honest.) 

Do you remember how that made you feel? Angry, deflated, insignificant, or sad. I bet. And we accidentally do this to our kids all the time. We as human beings draw on our past experiences for help on how to handle the future. We try to find parallels to what people are saying and doing so we can relate to them. Perhaps, its our way of trying to spare our children from "going through what we went through" or the mechanism in which we can find empathy for others. The problem is, sometimes they don't always need your advice, your story, or empathy. They just need for you to LISTEN

{"Parenting isn't about YOU. It's all about THEM."}

It's about their needs, their struggles, their education, their joy, their whatever. Your job as a parent is to be there to support them when they need it. Your job is to cheer them on to help them become capable adults. They need you to understand them, entirely. 

Now, I am not suggesting that you can't share a personal story about how you accomplished something, overcame a struggle, or that you shouldn't be empathetic. What I am suggesting is that when you do share these tales that they are short, sweet, and then move the conversation back to your child. Ask them questions and really listen to what they have to say. You will learn a great deal about what they feel and why they are feeling that way. Their perspective of the situation is the key to helping them through whatever struggle they are facing. (Whether you deem it right or wrong.)

When our parenting glasses are on, we forget how big their problems feel to them, as we've already gone through those. We can see how in the long wrong what seems like a big deal now isn't, but their pain is their pain, and it's real. 

I also want to say that I am not condoning entitlement behaviors allowing your child to believe that the world revolves around them all the time. I personally don't believe that attitude is healthy. We need to understand that we are all connected to each other, God's creatures, and this planet. However, I feel we need to encourage and help teach our our children how to constructively voice their emotions and concerns. This is an important life skill, as well as, the catalyst for them to be able to show empathy and respect to others later in life. 

Communication in our society is lacking, despite the fact that we can receive and send messages like ever before. We need to set a good example for our children, by being attentive and really listening to their needs. Make your parenting about them, and not you. I promise it will yield insight like never before and help minimize misunderstandings. 

 

Happy Parenting! 

 

 

 

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